Reverend Schroeder

When I was in my confirmation class back at Pilgrim Congregational church in Green Bay, we kinda wrapped up our classes by running a church service. A girl was chosen to give a sermon, and she could have done a better job, in my opinion. Half of her sermon was just quotes from different places or authors about being nice. (I was looking for a little more preparation or something--I mean, come on, this is your big chance to upstage the minister!) I was the reader. I don't remember what my brother did. Anyway, after the service, some older ladies suggested that they thought that I did a great job with the reading, and that when I grew up, I could be a minister.

My uncle Frederick, who prefers to be called Frederick (not Fred) has a doctorate in theology from Harvard, and I remember that had said (or my Mom had said) that he could help me prepare a really good sermon if I had been the one picked to do that. It didn't happen. However, the thought of being a minister has always kinda stuck with me. It's a fascinating job. You see the good and the bad and not much else. You get to make jokes in church. You are in a small way connecting people to God. It's an important job.

But I never had the chance to attend a seminary or take classes, or much less even read the bible very often. But today I decided to become a Minister after I saw you could get ordained by the Universal Life Church (info @ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Universal_Life_Church ) for free instantly on the Internet. So I did it.



I don't feel much closer to God, but will officially be Reverend Schroeder once my ordination is recorded at some place in California. The Universal Life Church says that I am now legally able:

• To perform marriages within your state, following the rules laid out by the state in which you wish to perform said marriage.

• To perform funerals, baptisms, last rites or any other sort of legal ceremony or ritual you wish to perform, except circumcision. (my emphasis)

• To start a church of your own, be it a bricks and mortar building or on the internet.

• To absolve others of their sins as you have been absolved of yours.

Apparantly, if I want to do any of this stuff in Minnesota or Wisconsin I gotta pay 49 bucks for an official copy of my credential:

This is only a receipt for your ordination. In states that require minister registration (MN, NY, LA, OH, WI and any others that require it), this receipt is not valid. You MUST HAVE a hard copy of the credential, which can be ordered through this site.

For those people residing in states that require registration, a letter of good standing must be requested by them from Modesto. Check with your local county clerk. Requests for good standing may be sent to andre@ulchq.com.

I will probably never need to officiate a wedding or funeral, baptise anyone, or give anyone their last rites. But that doesn't really matter. What matters is that an elderly woman liked the way I read from the Bible and told me that I could be a minister some day and that I have always remembered that.

Well, that's it for now. Reverend Schroeder has gotta take some print calls.

Amen.